George Hartwell M.Sc., Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Anger Management Therapy by George Hartwell M.Sc. is therapy sessions combined with education about emotions and anger. This allows the client to learn and to have a chance to change emotional patterns and face family patterns of handling emotions and conflict.
Location: 1454 Dundas Street East, Mississauga, Suite 125, Phone: (416) 234-850
Cost: A package of six one hour session plus a letter confirming attendance is available for $500.00. Requires 3 to 6 weeks to complete.
Appointments: available afternoons, evenings and Saturdays.
Availability: Phone for anger management therapy availablility.
We need to understand what we mean by anger management. We need anger management information. For example, what is the difference between anger, rage (hate), forgiveness and love.
Our emotions express the state of our inner being, our human spirit. Emotions motivate us. Get us moving. Energizes us. God has a purpose for anger. We need strategies, and, sometimes, therapy to learn anger management.
Anger is aggressive, confrontive energy. The purpose of anger is to energize us to take stands, deal with enemies, overcome obstacles, accomplish tasks, confront injustice, speak up for ourselves, set limits, expose the darkness, oppose abuse and fight oppression.
When you are angry see if you need to stand up and fight for what is right; protect your loved ones or something precious to you. Ask yourself what loving purpose can be served by this energy.
Hate and Anger management
Hatred is an intense hostility - an emotion that (if acted upon) would move us to:
attack our opponents,
With hatred we may choose to abuse those who have hurt us, seek revenge on our enemies. We may (choose to) curse, malign and put down our opponent - attacking their reputation with slander.
If we choose to keep hold of our hatred, to stew on negative thoughts, to meditate on evil then our heart can become a generator of evil. This evil, I suspect, has very real effects in the spiritual realm that manifest in real effects in our own and others lives. If we express hatred verbally people will feel as if they were struck. When Jesus tells us that hatred is like murder he is revealing that this negative energy is real and dangerous.
We may be surprised when those we hate back off and avoid us. Jesus isn't surprised because he knows we need to take seriously the attitude of our heart and spirit. Because we are spirit our neighbour (fellow persons) and God respond to the thoughts and intents that we build into our heart. People in their spirit 'know' the inner feelings we have toward them. God knows the thoughts and intents of our hearts.
Ask God to help your heart attitude to change if you have chosen to be locked into hatred.
Love and anger manegement
Love is the choice to do good toward another. It is to have a good heart and good will toward another. It is to have benevolent thoughts and feelings toward another.
Love includes thoughts and intents of:
In (agape) love there is no dwelling on the thought or intent of planned hurting, robbing, destroying, or murdering another.
In love we intend good not evil toward others. We intend to build up not destroy.
So love does not hate, and even if extremely angry, love will focus on dealing with the problem or problematic-behavior of another, not attacking the person.
However, even with a loving heart toward another, our anger may feel so intense that it feels like we 'hate' them. (Note to counselors: Test someone's profession of hate to see if they would like harm to befall another. Ask them" "So you would like something bad to happen to them?" A heart with love will draw back from that suggestions and affirm good intentions.)
When you hold intense anger toward another you may be a need to express your needs, your feelings, your intentions, and enforce your boundaries. Agape love of another will hold the other accountable for their wrong actions, attitudes or words. Child discipline or adult rebuke is needed. The intense anger almost demands that you speak up; that you assert yourself. Why? Because love holds others accountable; provides discipline - even if it is painful. God disciplines those He loves. Hebrews 12.
So love does not lose control (by acting out the felt negative emotions, expressing verbally negative thoughts, or in destructive actions.) Anger may be present but not expressed in ways that call for anger management. (Note: anger expressed in love or by a loving person does not require 'anger management' because it is not dangerous or out of control. Anger can be accepted in others and ourselves if it is not expressed in destructive or abusive ways.)
Love does not create a hostile atmosphere.
Two levels of forgiveness: a decision of the will (associated with a continuous decision process) and the healing of our heart. When both levels are accomplished then heart (feelings) and will (decisions) align (agree). And it may be that only God can heal my life. I may need God's inner and emotional healing. When God heals your life, when a life transformation happens, the sign that it is done is an attitude of forgiveness, understanding and compassion. Heart forgiveness is a fruit of inner healing.
The one-time action-decision not to entertain negative emotion and conguent thoughts, words and actions relative to the person or situation is followed up with a continuing process of shutting down negative thoughts and expression to abusive words or actions and turning to God for the appropriate response to the other person.
I may find it impossible to forgive until God heals my heart and my life. In that inner heart healing His perspective becomes my perspective and His heart becomes my heart. Inner healing must continue until all negative feelings are resolved and there are no more triggers (negative/destructive behavioural motivation drivers) relative to that person or situation. When a person or situation triggers negative feelings and attitudes then call again for God to "Heal My Life."
Forgiveness is the process of moving away from the attitude of hatred to the attitude of love. Forgiveness happens when we choose not to hurt the person who hurt us. It is a decision to bring tongue and behaviour under control. It is a decision to let God heal our heart and be our PROTECTOR. (Note to self: when I try to protect myself be staying hostile I may get hurt more by what the other says and does. Try letting go of the intention to hurt back and see if God protects you so that it does not hurt as much. You may laugh at the safety and freedom that forgiveness brings.)
When angrer and forgiveness work together we speak truth to the person in love. We deal with the issues. We don't attack the person. We talk straight. We confront injustice and do so without the intention of hurting the other. We are not afraid of straight talk to the issues even if it hurts. (Note to self: Your motive is to speak the truth in love. Do not be driven by avoiding 'hurting' the other. I am sure some of what Jesus said hurt. What would hurt worse, though, is not listening to what he said.)
Write down (or mentally note) five things you are angry about that you want to release to God.
For longstanding resentments make a list of 20 negative and 20 positive characteristics of the one person you resent most. Do negative list first and then balance that list with the positive list.
Declare out loud: 'Jesus, you are my Lord and Savior and I invite you to be Lord of my anger and resentment. I choose to release my anger about these issues (or my resentment about this person) to you.'
Let your mind observe and note what happens. Be aware of what you are seeing, hearing, feeling and sensing. However, do not try to control with your mind. A Healing encounter with God must touch your heart and your real inner being.
To set up this healing encounter with God, picture a beautiful natural setting where you can be alone and commune God. Picture the blue sky and a still, calm body of water - such as a lake. Find a place near the shore where you can sit and enjoy the calm of the quiet blue lake or pond.
The lake represents the peace of God. You are going to release your anger by having it be absorbed by this lake. You will dramatize this release of your anger by picturing yourself hurling a stone into this calm lake. You choose to involve your imagination so that this prayer will be from your heart.
You find a stone on the beach and declare: "God this stone represents my anger about ______. I am releasing this to you now." Now throw the stone far out into the lake. Watch it splash and sink. Let the ripples subside. Notice how you feel. Repeat this with another stone for each issue or for each negative characteristic of this person on your list. to save time, group some listed negatives together.
Now wait silently by the lake and absorb the peace and calm. Notice if a confirming verse, thought or melody comes to your heart.
How are you feeling? If you are feeling good continue to drink in this scene and what it means to you. Let there be time for your heart to receive. Let the message and the feeling sink into your heart. Give thanks to God.
Ask God how He can use these issues for good in your life. How can his redemptive power make use of these issues or the relationship with this person for some good purpose in your life? Write this down.
This is one technique for anger mangement.
Comment: "After I did the prayer, I feel so different. I'm ready to let go of the pain, anger, hurt and resentment. Thank you so much. You don't know wat you have done for me." "I felt a sense of warmth in my heart."
* Anger mobilizes for action. It prepares us to move almost requires that we act. In particular anger mobolizes to communicate, speak up, confront issues.
* There is a lot of energy in anger. Energy wanting to get you moving. Energy ready to overcome obstacles. There is dynamite-like emotional power in anger. Anger energizes us.
* Like all forms of energy anger can be good or bad. The energy can be used for good or bad purposes. The energy is not bad. It can be used to do good or to cause harm.
* Anger can be used for good or bad purposes. The energy of anger is in the hands of an intelligent purposeful being. Did that person energize purposes that were good, constructive and helpful or did they use it for destructive, damaging purposes - to do harm? The answer to that question is our best guide as to whether anger was used in a sinful way or not.
* Anger - the energy itself - is not sinful. I chose the words or actions done in anger. What did I CHOOSE to do in my anger. I do not need to ask for forgiveness for the mobolizing energy of anger. I may need to ask forgiveness (of God and other) for how I acted and what I said.
* Anger is an emotion given by God and it can be used for good.
* Jesus was angry. God gets angry. The Bible says to be angry but sin not. So, be angry (energized to deal with stuff) but sin not. Be careful in what you say and do.
* In the same way aggression can be used for good.
* Aggression helps you make the grade, complete your project, score goals and make sales. Some aggression directed toward these ends is good.
* Aggressive people can be leaders, teachers, sales persons and competitive athletes because they are energized to get things done.
* Passionate people combine healthy aggression with their life mission.
* Passionate people have lots of energy to accomplish their vision.
* Passionate people will work, fight, and persist to accomplish their mission.
* You want energetic, aggressive and passionate people on your team. They are winners.
* The energy in anger can be overcome obstacles to accomplishing our goals.
* Anger at someones treating us wrong almost demands that we speak to the person. There is almost a god-given need to speak to our abuser.
* Within our anger, God may be encouraging us to confront family or personal issues to get things on the table.
* Our anger may fire a passion to fight injustice.
* Used with love, anger may fuel our tank when we discipline children. It helps us make emotional connection with the one we discipline. It shows that we are deeply affected by the issue and it is serious. (For example, God may give you the most passion when confronting issues of disrespect of parents and those in authority. With good reason, James Dobson considers these the most important parenting issues.)
* Anger is the energy that moves us toward our goals. We are responsible for our goals not our anger. Our choices, attitudes, pride, and habits shape how we use the dynamite we call anger.
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