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Anger Management Therapy by George
Hartwell M.Sc. is therapy sessions combined
with education about emotions and anger. This allows the client
to learn and to have a chance to change emotional patterns and face
family patterns of handling emotions and conflict. |
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Location:
1454 Dundas Street East, Mississauga, Suite 125, Phone:
(416) 234-850 |
Cost: A
package of six one hour session plus a letter confirming attendance
is available for $500.00. Requires 3 to 6 weeks to complete. |
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Appointments: available
afternoons, evenings and Saturdays. |
Availability:
Phone for anger management therapy availablility. |
Anger Management, Hate, Forgiveness and Love
Anger Management
We need to understand what we mean by anger management. We need anger
management information. For example, what is the
difference between anger, rage (hate), forgiveness and love.
Our emotions express the state of our inner being, our human spirit.
Emotions motivate us. Get us moving. Energizes us. God has a purpose
for anger. We need strategies, and, sometimes, therapy to
learn anger management.
Anger is aggressive, confrontive energy. The purpose of anger is to
energize us to take stands, deal with enemies, overcome obstacles,
accomplish tasks, confront injustice, speak up for ourselves, set
limits, expose the darkness, oppose abuse and fight oppression.
When you are angry see if you need to stand up and fight for what is
right; protect your loved ones or something precious to you. Ask
yourself what loving purpose can be served by this energy.
Hate and Anger management |
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Hatred is an intense hostility - an emotion that (if acted upon)
would move us to:
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attack our opponents,
- destroy whatever blocks us,
- kill our enemies, and
- annihilate the oppressor.
With hatred we may choose to abuse those who have hurt us, seek
revenge on our enemies. We may (choose to) curse, malign and put down
our opponent - attacking their reputation with slander.
If we choose to keep hold of our hatred, to stew on negative
thoughts, to meditate on evil then our heart can become a generator
of evil. This evil, I suspect, has very real effects in the spiritual
realm that manifest in real effects in our own and others lives.
If we express hatred verbally people will feel as if they were
struck. When Jesus tells us that hatred is like murder he is
revealing that this negative energy is real and dangerous.
We may be surprised when those we hate back off and avoid us. Jesus
isn't surprised because he knows we need to take seriously the
attitude of our heart and spirit. Because we are spirit our neighbour
(fellow persons) and God respond to the thoughts and intents that we
build into our heart. People in their spirit 'know' the inner
feelings we have toward them. God knows the thoughts and
intents of our hearts.
Ask God to help your heart attitude to change if you have chosen to
be locked into hatred.
Love and anger manegement |
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Love is the choice to do good toward another. It is to have a good
heart and good will toward another. It is to have benevolent thoughts
and feelings toward another.
Love includes thoughts and intents of:
-
blessing,
- enjoying,
- connecting emotionally with another.
In (agape) love there is no dwelling on the thought or intent of
planned hurting, robbing, destroying, or murdering another.
In love we intend good not evil toward others. We intend
to build up not destroy.
So love does not hate, and even if extremely angry, love will focus
on dealing with the problem or problematic-behavior of another,
not attacking the person.
However, even with a loving heart toward another, our anger may feel
so intense that it feels like we 'hate' them. (Note to
counselors: Test someone's profession of hate to see if they
would like harm to befall another. Ask them" "So you
would like something bad to happen to them?" A heart with
love will draw back from that suggestions and affirm good intentions.)
When you hold intense anger toward another you may be a need to
express your needs, your feelings, your intentions, and enforce your
boundaries. Agape love of another will hold the other
accountable for their wrong actions, attitudes or words. Child
discipline or adult rebuke is needed. The intense anger almost
demands that you speak up; that you assert yourself. Why?
Because love holds others accountable; provides discipline - even if
it is painful. God disciplines those He loves. Hebrews 12.
So love does not lose control (by acting out the felt negative
emotions, expressing verbally negative thoughts, or in destructive
actions.) Anger may be present but not expressed in ways that
call for anger management. (Note: anger expressed in love or by
a loving person does not require 'anger management' because it is not
dangerous or out of control. Anger can be accepted in others
and ourselves if it is not expressed in destructive or abusive ways.)
Love does not create a hostile atmosphere.
Forgiveness and anger management
Two levels of forgiveness: a
decision of the will (associated with a continuous decision process)
and the healing of our heart. When both levels are accomplished
then heart (feelings) and will (decisions) align (agree). And
it may be that only God can heal my life. I may need God's
inner and emotional healing. When God heals your life, when a
life transformation happens, the sign that it is done is an attitude
of forgiveness, understanding and compassion. Heart forgiveness
is a fruit of inner healing.
The one-time action-decision not to entertain negative emotion and
conguent thoughts, words and actions relative to the person or
situation is followed up with a continuing process of shutting down
negative thoughts and expression to abusive words or actions and
turning to God for the appropriate response to the other person.
I may find it impossible to forgive until God heals my heart and my
life. In that inner heart healing His perspective becomes my
perspective and His heart becomes my heart. Inner healing must
continue until all negative feelings are resolved and there are no
more triggers (negative/destructive behavioural motivation drivers)
relative to that person or situation. When a person or
situation triggers negative feelings and attitudes then call again
for God to "Heal My Life."
Forgiveness is the process of moving away from the attitude of hatred
to the attitude of love. Forgiveness happens when we choose not to
hurt the person who hurt us. It is a decision to bring tongue
and behaviour under control. It is a decision to let God heal
our heart and be our PROTECTOR. (Note to self: when I try to
protect myself be staying hostile I may get hurt more by what the
other says and does. Try letting go of the intention to hurt
back and see if God protects you so that it does not hurt as
much. You may laugh at the safety and freedom that forgiveness brings.)
When angrer and forgiveness work together we speak truth to the
person in love. We deal with the issues. We don't attack the person.
We talk straight. We confront injustice and do so without the
intention of hurting the other. We are not afraid of straight
talk to the issues even if it hurts. (Note to self: Your
motive is to speak the truth in love. Do not be driven by
avoiding 'hurting' the other. I am sure some of what Jesus said
hurt. What would hurt worse, though, is not listening to what
he said.)
"Releasing Anger" - an imaginative
anger management technique
Write down (or mentally note) five things you are angry about that
you want to release to God.
For longstanding resentments make a list of 20 negative and 20
positive characteristics of the one person you resent most. Do
negative list first and then balance that list with the positive list.
Declare out loud: 'Jesus, you are my Lord and Savior and I invite you
to be Lord of my anger and resentment. I choose to release my anger
about these issues (or my resentment about this person) to you.'
Let your mind observe and note what happens. Be aware of what you are
seeing, hearing, feeling and sensing. However, do not try to control
with your mind. A Healing encounter with God must touch your heart
and your real inner being.
To set up this healing encounter with God, picture a beautiful
natural setting where you can be alone and commune God. Picture the
blue sky and a still, calm body of water - such as a lake. Find a
place near the shore where you can sit and enjoy the calm of the
quiet blue lake or pond.
The lake represents the peace of God. You are going to release your
anger by having it be absorbed by this lake. You will dramatize this
release of your anger by picturing yourself hurling a stone into this
calm lake. You choose to involve your imagination so that this prayer
will be from your heart.
You find a stone on the beach and declare: "God this stone
represents my anger about ______. I am releasing this to you
now." Now throw the stone far out into the lake. Watch it splash
and sink. Let the ripples subside. Notice how you feel. Repeat this
with another stone for each issue or for each negative characteristic
of this person on your list. to save time, group some listed
negatives together.
Now wait silently by the lake and absorb the peace and calm. Notice
if a confirming verse, thought or melody comes to your heart.
How are you feeling? If you are feeling good continue to drink in
this scene and what it means to you. Let there be time for your heart
to receive. Let the message and the feeling sink into your heart.
Give thanks to God.
Ask God how He can use these issues for good in your life. How can
his redemptive power make use of these issues or the relationship
with this person for some good purpose in your life? Write this down.
This is one technique for anger mangement.
Comment: "After I did the prayer, I feel
so different. I'm ready to let go of the pain, anger, hurt and
resentment. Thank you so much.
You don't know wat you have done
for me." "I felt a sense of warmth in my heart."
Good and Bad Anger
* Anger mobilizes for action. It
prepares us to move – almost requires that we act. In
particular anger mobolizes to communicate, speak up, confront issues.
* There is a lot of energy in
anger. Energy wanting to get you moving. Energy ready to
overcome obstacles. There is dynamite-like emotional power in
anger. Anger energizes us.
* Like all forms of energy anger can be
good or bad. The energy can be used for good or bad
purposes. The energy is not bad. It can be used to do
good or to cause harm.
* Anger can be used for good or bad
purposes. The energy of anger is in the hands of an intelligent
purposeful being. Did that person energize purposes that were
good, constructive and helpful or did they use it for destructive,
damaging purposes - to do harm? The answer to that question is
our best guide as to whether anger was used in a sinful way or not.
* Anger - the energy itself - is not
sinful. I chose the words or actions done in anger. What
did I CHOOSE to do in my anger. I do not need to ask for
forgiveness for the mobolizing energy of anger. I may need to
ask forgiveness (of God and other) for how I acted and what I said.
* Anger is an emotion given by God and
it can be used for good.
* Jesus was angry. God gets
angry. The Bible says to ‘be angry but sin not.
‘ So, be angry (energized to deal with stuff) but sin
not. Be careful in what you say and do.
Aggression and Passion
* In the same way aggression can be
used for good.
* Aggression helps you make the grade,
complete your project, score goals and make sales. Some
aggression directed toward these ends is good.
* Aggressive people can be leaders,
teachers, sales persons and competitive athletes because they are
energized to get things done.
* Passionate people combine healthy
aggression with their life mission.
* Passionate people have lots of energy
to accomplish their vision.
* Passionate people will work, fight,
and persist to accomplish their mission.
* You want energetic, aggressive and
passionate people on your team. They are winners.
The Purpose of Anger, Aggression and Passion
* The energy in anger can be overcome
obstacles to accomplishing our goals.
* Anger at someone’s treating us
wrong almost demands that we speak to the person. There is
almost a god-given need to speak to our abuser.
* Within our anger, God may be
encouraging us to confront family or personal issues – to get
things on the table.
* Our anger may fire a passion to fight injustice.
* Used with love, anger may fuel our
tank when we discipline children. It helps us make emotional
connection with the one we discipline. It shows that we are
deeply affected by the issue and it is serious. (For example,
God may give you the most passion when confronting issues of
disrespect of parents and those in authority. With good reason,
James Dobson considers these the most important parenting issues.)
* Anger is the energy that moves us
toward our goals. We are responsible for our goals not our
anger. Our choices, attitudes, pride, and habits shape how we
use the dynamite we call anger.
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